SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills

Los Angeles has a lot to offer as far as day-life, but for my money, nothing beats hitting a hotel pool. The women are high quality and often visiting from out of town. They’re enamored by everything about L.A., including you. They don't know you're a waiter.

The sexiest pools in town are the Roosevelt Hotel (classy with that feel of old Hollywood and young partiers), the SLS Hotel (great rooftop view and a very mellow scene) and the W West Hollywood (a hip and modern nightclub feel).

Now, the problem with all of these places is that unless you know somebody, you pretty much have to be a guest of the hotel to get in, especially on weekends. But there are ways, and enjoying an afternoon at any pool in town is as easy as following these tips:

1. Don't Valet

These places charge $30-$35 just to park your car. Find street parking nearby or in a nearby garage, which should keep your expenses under $10.

2. Do Your Research

Oftentimes, an attendant will ask you for your room number to check you in before entering the pool. Know the room numbers. Don't spit out a random series of digits, like you're Stephen Hawking. For example, 102 is not a room number at the Hollywood Roosevelt. Call beforehand and ask to make a reservation. Ask them what rooms they have available, like you've stayed there before, and remember the room number.

3. Look the Part

Show up in your pool clothes. Backpacks are a dead giveaway. Do not bring your own towel; the hotel has towels at the pool, and no guest would bring their own flowered Waikiki beach towel. Stay away from scraggly board shorts and Hollywood Boulevard T-shirts. Rooms at these places cost upwards of $1,000 a night, so dress like someone who'd be staying there. Gravitate towards whites and linens. Ask yourself, "What would George Clooney do?"

4. Make Contact

When you walk in, go right up to the front desk. Ask them anything. Ask them if the room-service menu features a banana split. Ask them how far Jumbo's Clown Room is. If there are security cameras, they will see you talking to the front desk, as though you've been staying there for weeks.

5. Confidence Is Key

This is the most important point. Walk in like you own the place. In fact, walk in like you own the place and you're thinking about selling it because it’s past its prime. The staff knows that if they were to imply that a guest was sneaking into the pool, they would immediately be complained about and probably get fired. The last thing they want is a confrontation, so act cool. Don't look around wide-eyed and grinning or scream about how you rocked karaoke at Barney's Beanery last night.

6. The Stakeout

At the Roosevelt, the pool is on the ground floor. For the others, you'll have to take the elevator, which requires a key. If nobody is going up, hang in the lobby, pretending to make a phone call. When a group approaches the elevator, stand behind them and ride the elevator all the way to paradise.

7. Bring a Flask

A flask will be one of the most valuable purchases of your life. It will save you millions of dollars. Fill it with Bacardi. Drinks at these places are ridiculous. Some of these places have drink minimums anyway, and buying soft drinks will cut your tab in half.

8. Get a Souvenir

After getting sun and phone numbers all day, visit the front desk on your way out. Ask if they have a bag for your wet clothes. They will, and it will have the hotel logo on it so the next time you visit you can carry it with you, making yourself look even more legitimate.

If you're feeling bold, ask for a key card. Tell them that you just checked out, but you meant to keep the room key as a memento. The keys are worthless, and they'll probably give you a deactivated one, which you can flash or hold the next time you come in, making you seem even more guest-like. And when in doubt, ask, "What would Clooney do?"


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